Before going through my loss and grief of being a mother, my focus was on becoming a mother.
During my loss and grief of being a mother, my focus was on taking care of myself and processing the emotions of my loss. Sometimes my focus was damage control of my emotions. They were big and, on occasion, overwhelming and exhausting. I felt so very sad, angry, upset, enraged, hurt, depressed and ashamed. It was all-encompassing. At times I even had to turn everything off and take some time out from it all too.
That’s loss! Letting go of something we truly loved, desired, hoped for and dreamt of.
It’s been 5 years since I stopped hoping, dreaming and organising to be a mum of my own child. I didn’t just let go of that loss, I let go of adopting, fostering, being a grandmother and many, many other losses FOR ME, that go with being a mother!
It was heartbreaking and I felt every bit of it after I made that decision. As I write this, I can feel the same pain in my heart and throat, but today it does not floor me. I feel it with much love and empathy. The pain has been processed. It has been accepted, with my heart and soul. The heat has gone out of the emotion. It has not left me emotionless from my loss, far from it. It has left me with a bigger heart and soul.
There have been so many tools, which helped me during the past 5 years.
Creativity
Writing
Therapy
Talking to friends
Nature
Time out
The biggest thing that has helped me walk this journey of mine, is knowing that it is a journey.
Acceptance that I have been given this path to walk.
A path that many of you in this group have been given!
A path that I have ignored, fought against and at times been victim to.
The tool of ‘life on life terms’ has been very painful to accept in this situation. For a long time, I did not want to accept this as my life path. But, when I started to do some of my grief work, the shame decreased and I started to feel and embrace being an empowered childless woman. This tool helped me stand up and face the pain, feel it, relax into it with love, empathy and compassion and be me. And when I did this, amazingly I moved forward.
Every time I do this in my life I find peace and serenity.
What has been your experience during your journey?
What tools have you found helpful?
I would love to hear from you.
Helen
Founder of Empowered Childlessness